Being a mother and a solo parent

My baby is now 3 months old!

I can't believe how fast (yet slow) time flies!

I'm happy that I have a lot of support coming in from my friends and family. Everything that they said makes sense to me now. Their words of encouragement and pieces of advice back then are really helpful. One that really stood out was when Ninang A said something like "treasure the first few weeks because those are the moments that pass by quickly". Yes, it's true!

Though I have to say that having almost no good sleep can be pretty difficult. Like to the point where your eyes just won't open no matter how hard you try to wake yourself up. That happened to me a few days ago. I have been waking up at around 2am everyday since that's the time when my boy would fuss about. Then, one time, he started fussing again with Nana holding him. I tried to wake up because that's the only time when I can hold him because I have to start getting ready for work at around 4:30. However, my eyes just won't open for long. My eyes would just roll up because I'm too sleepy. I told Mama that I can't just keep my eyes open. She said to just sleep & as soon as I heard it, I'm dead to the world... well, that is, until 4am. hehehe

But what a difference that 2 hours can make to a tired mommy! I felt more energetic and ready to face the world again with a smile. So, I carried him for quite some time until he fell asleep.

As I held his tiny body, there are hundred of things that crosses my mind. Like how this fragile bundle is so dependent on me. The feeling of wanting to protect him from all harm & giving him everything he needs is so strong that I just feel like I can do everything that needs to be done just to accomplish that. Picturing myself walking hand in hand with him in the park is playing in my thoughts. Then I just get teary-eyed when sad thoughts envelop me since I am a solo parent now. But then again, cuddling him against my chest gives me renewed energy and determination.

I can do it!

Giving up is definitely not an option now. My life is not exclusively mine now. Therefore, I keep on praying for wisdom, strength and endurance.

This goes out to all solo parents out there.

I know it's not easy. There are loads of time when you would feel like giving up. Time when you would be jealous of kids walking with their dads and moms. Time when you would want to share every milestones with a partner. Time when you would be overwhelmed with everything. Unfortunately, I think it won't get easy. In fact, I'm already anticipating that it will get harder later on.

But we have no choice.
We need to stay strong for our little one. You cannot entertain any negative thoughts. I found out the hard way that entertaining just a single tiny negativity can plant a tiny seed of doubt in you. It will fester inside, making you question every single decision that you are making. You cannot do that. You musn't let that happen. Take things slowly. I know that you must have heard that thousands of time but you really must.

If you feel like giving up, go out with your friends.
I think taking a short break and being able to feel your "old life" even for a few minutes is necessary. Go out, be with people that you used to hang out with. Wine and dine yourself. Buy that much coveted shoes (though I think you will just eventually end up buying that cute baby stuff that you had been eyeing for a long time). Watch a movie. Read a book. That's way better than taking a break forever.

Life is worth living.
You just need to take things slowly & also condition your mind that things are different now.
But it's all for the good
Just you wait and see
*wink*